


belief is a beautiful armor

by propeller



Series: everything that i know about you. [8]
Category: Dolan Twins - Fandom, Magcon (Video Blogging RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt Grayson, Insomnia, M/M, Protective Ethan, Soft Grayson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:47:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22531948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/propeller/pseuds/propeller
Summary: "Really." Grayson tilted his head upwards; and discovered that their lips were practically touching; and that Ethan was looking down at him as if he were the eighth wonder of the world.
Relationships: Ethan Dolan & Grayson Dolan, Ethan Dolan/Grayson Dolan
Series: everything that i know about you. [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454998
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	1. edge of desire.

**Author's Note:**

> unedited + inspired by the requests for 'hurt gray, and protective ethan.'
> 
> shit, it might even become a chaptered series. who knows.

* * *

"Come back to bed." Ethan groaned, throwing his forearm over his face, in attempt to shield away the sunlight. He peered over at his twin. His bicep tensed as he subconciously grasped Grayson's left arm, making him falter before he got up to be alone. "Don't leave me." Ethan murmured again, his voice hoarser this time.

Grayson glanced at him from across his shoulder; the beginnings of an expression of insecurity etching its way onto his chiselled features. And, what a shame it was - to see a face as imperfectly perfect as his; be possessed with a look full of grief. Grayson shook his head, as if he were disagreeing with something in his own mind.

He sat on the edge of the bed, tugging his arm away from Ethan. "Let go." Grayson whispered, before clearing his throat.

"I can help you. Don't leave." Ethan's voice was on the edge of desperation, his eyes swollen.

It was the third time this week. Grayson would have a graphic nightmare; and awaken instantly. This, in turn, would make Ethan wake up - which was quite an impossible feat, mind you; considering the fact that Ethan had once slept through an entire earthquake near their home, and still happened to ask for ' _five extra minutes._ '

Ethan would wake up to Grayson shivering next to him - his eyes bloodshot; the sheets beneath them damp from his perspiration. Grayson's dreams had become full-fledged nightmares; and they were both so _exhausted._ Ethan didn't have it in him, to leave his brother to sleep by himself, so Grayson's nightmares would end up ruining his sleep too.

Grayson's insomnia kept getting worse lately; and Ethan, _the angel_ , hadn't protested when Grayson had tiredly trudged into his room across the hallway, rubbing his eyes. Instead, Ethan had simply slid down the bed, and held his arm out, before pulling Grayson towards himself. The warmth of Ethan near him, had been a welcome relief, compared to feeling deserted in his own, empty, cold room. Even if it meant that he still couldn't sleep. _At-least he had some company._

Yet, now, his phone indicated that it was 5:30 - Ethan had been asleep for hours, leaving Grayson far behind. It had been like this for days now - falling asleep when the sun came up and not sleeping enough, and napping for hours in the evening, which only left him to stay up far too late that night. He was considering going to a doctor, or a psychiatrist, whichever could help best, to work out his terrible sleeping situation. And, what made it worse - were _those fucking dreams._

The ones that always seemed to follow him in different phases in his life. Grayson's nightmares first started when he moved away from New Jersey - both of them completely alone in a state full of strangers. He had a protective instinct, and he knew he would always there to have Ethan's back - but what frightened Grayson, was, _what if Ethan wasn't there to protect Grayson?_

Since then, it had been on and off. Sometimes, they'd last for a day or two. However, it had been three consecutive weeks since they'd started again; and it had only been last week when Grayson admitted to Ethan that _'they started again.'_

"Just go back to sleep, Eth. I'm fine. You haven't slept for a week." Grayson breathed, now. His voice cracked, and he ran his tongue over his dry lips.

"Neither have you." Ethan protested, yawning mid-sentence. Frustrated to no end, Grayson was almost on the verge of tears.

 _“I can't sleep.”_ Grayson was defeated, disappointed, and most of all, exhausted. Ethan could hear all of this in his voice, he didn’t even need to look at Gray to know. However, he still opened his eyes to glance over his twin, the dim light of morning casting a light on Grayson's features. Gray's eyes were more than just slightly red, and the underneath of his eyes were a shade that was too dark to compliment his porcelain skin.

“The sleepy-time tea didn’t help?” Ethan sat up, stretching as he did so, knowing all too well about Grayson's predicament.

“Nothing ever helps, E. It’s driving me fucking crazy.” He turned to face his twin, hesitantly locking his eyes with Ethan's - tears threatening to spill out of his own.

“We can try those over-the-counter pills, a lot of people said they work great.” Ethan tried, reaching out and smoothing the unruly waves that framed Grayson's face.

“I don’t want to try anything else, I just want to _fucking sleep._ ” Grayson was practically whining now - his tone absolutely pitiful, and it made Ethan thin his lips, unsure how to relieve Grayson of _this_. “I just don’t know what to do,” he added, burying his face in his pillow.

"I'm just so sick of it, E. I hate this. I can't sleep anymore. And it makes you wake up; and I feel so _fucking_ awful about it. I'm sorry." Grayson whimpered; muffled by the pillow. His face became red, which was a tell-tale sign that Grayson Dolan was about to cry.

“Why don’t we try this - just let me hold you.” Ethan was at his wit's end; and he spoke in a soft, comforting tone. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Grayson's frame.

“You’re the only thing that ever works,” Grayson whispered, muffled slightly against Ethan's chest. He concentrated on Ethan's slow and steady heartbeat, and let himself relax as Ethan drew small and large circles on Grayson's back.

In his new state of comfort, he finally felt his eyes getting heavy, and let out a sigh of relief as his body finally relaxed. Ethan could tell Gray was beginning to doze, his breathing was starting to even out - and his grip on Ethan's shirt lessened.

"Fuck." Ethan finally sighed, in complete weariness. He rested his chin on top of Grayson's head, and glanced out the window - realising that, whilst Grayson finally fell asleep - there was no way that Ethan could get back to sleep in his newfound position.

* * *

"Ethan, watch a movie with me." Came the cheerful request from Grayson, the next night, who had surprisingly sobered up despite his lack of sleep.

Ethan gave him a soft smile, scratching the back of his neck. "It's almost 12AM, dude. I'm tired as shit."

The fact just made Grayson shrug, before giving Ethan one of his signature grins. "Come on, E. Literally, any movie you want. We can even watch romantic comedies; I know they're your favourite."

Ethan grabbed the nearest pillow from the couch, and single-handedly threw it at Grayson's head, who ducked. "Rom-coms are _not my favourite._ "  
Grayson smirked. "Prove it by watching a movie with me."

"No."  
"Pussy."  
"Shut up."  
" _Pussy._ "  
"Grayson." Ethan finally gave up, crossing his arms - knowing what it was all really about. Grayson was avoiding going to bed.

"I'll sleep with you, today, too. Come on, bud, let's go." Ethan offered a hand to Grayson, who looked away - avoiding eye contact. He reached for his phone, shrugging again.

"Isn't that crazy? I'm not even the _tiniest bit tired_. Literally. You go to bed, E - I think I'm gonna stay here and tweet about how my brother sleeps earlier than both of my grandmas."

Ethan rolled his eyes, not knowing how to deal with his _two-year-old_ brother. "You're such a toddler." He retorted, but still stood there, waiting for Grayson to join him.

"I'm not going to sleep with you today - it's chill. I'm gonna be in my own room." Grayson replied dismissively, scrolling through his phone as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"No, you're not."  
"Yes, I am."  
"Nope."  
"Uh-huh."  
" _Come on_."

" _Ethan,_ just leave me alone, alright?" Grayson finally erupted - a look of pure uncertainity flashing over his face. It was as if he were at war with his own mind; constantly pondering over the rights, and the wrongs. His body language signified that he was withdrawn, and unwanting of any company ~ but the glint in his eyes conveyed something else entirely. Ethan knew his brother like the back of his own hand; but he fucking _hated_ when Grayson became brooding, and apprehensive.

There was a pause between the two of them, as if they both had so much to say, but neither of them knew where to begin. "I'm here for you." Ethan finally shrugged, defeated. He turned to leave the room, but his hand paused on the doorknob. Expectantly.

A plethora of sentences erupted out of Grayson before he realized that he was talking out-loud. "I hate waking you up. It's the worst. I'm so fucking shit at being able to fall asleep, and then when I do - I ruin your sleep by my _stupid fucking nightmares._ And, you're always so tired nowadays, and it's literally all because of me. I hate doing this to you. It's like you're suffering with me, and you _don't deserve that, E._ " He exhaled, not daring to look towards his twin.

"Hey. _Hey._ " Ethan breathed, instantly making his way towards Grayson. Grayson slid over on the couch, and Ethan sat next to him gently, before ruffling Grayson's hair.

"I sleep even worse when you're not around me." Ethan admitted, taking one of Grayson's hands onto his own, and running a hand over his knuckles soothingly. Gray looked up at him, almost shyly, which really was a joke - because Grayson wasn't a shy person; maybe he was insecure from time to time, but he was never hesitant. So, the fact that he was suddenly so bashful, was concerning for Ethan.

There was a pause between them, and they did nothing but bask in it. Grayson eventually rested his head on Ethan's shoulder, and Ethan tried his _best_ to keep his shoulder steady for him.

"Let's go. I bought you pills, too. It'll be better tonight. I promise." The words broke their observant silence, and Ethan stood up, offering his hand to Grayson once again. This time, however, Grayson didn't force his way out of it - and instead, grasped Ethan's forearm, before standing upright. His previously towering height, now drooped, as if he were shrinking away from himself.

"Yeah? Well, It better be." Grayson glanced at the TV longingly, before following Ethan to his bedroom.

* * *

The blinds were drawn on all the windows, yet the crack of dawn still peeked through the gaps in the shutters; lighting up the room slightly. Their sheets were rumpled, and some of their pillows had made their way all across the other side of Ethan's bedroom. Grayson was previously curled up next to Ethan's towering figure; almost pathetically spooning him - his toned arms digging into Ethan's waist. Ethan had sighed in contempt when he had realized that Grayson's grip was so tight that he was almost having difficulty breathing, but he said nothing at the time.

Instead, he had thrown an arm around Grayson's shoulders, pulling him closer; feeling Grayson's chest rise and fall gently. Gray's recovering deviated septum meant that he still breathed unsteadily sometimes - and often, he would wake up, gasping for air. But, Ethan was always there during those nights, with an inhaler in hand, or just a soft pat on the back.

Some nights, they were so close, and touching each other in such a near proximity - an almost intimate manner - that it was almost as if they were back in the womb. No relationship could beat the one that wombmates, or twins shared. There was a certain taboo level to it. The edges of the relationship willing, and _waiting_ to be explored.

Nothing made them feel more at home, than each other. Many people had locations as their designated 'home' feeling. However, Ethan simply didn't feel at home anywhere, without Grayson beside him - _or in a ten feet range if he was angry at him -_ and, nor did Grayson feel complete, and as confident about who he was, without his brother alongside him.

They were two halves of a circle, and they continued to complete each other, over the years.

However, later that night, Ethan's eyes fluttered open, and he sleepily wondered what had woken him up. Someone was poking him. Ethan shut his eyes in exhaustion again, unable to keep them open _. Grayson._ Sure, sleeping was a struggle for both of them lately, but they both woke up together, even if it meant poking the other twin until they woke up.

 _Again?_ Ethan thought to himself in irritation.

'What." Ethan croaked, shuffling the sheets around, and turning to the side - so he was facing Grayson. The dimness of the lighting cast an almost formidable shadow on Grayson's lips; making them look more swollen than usual. His eyelashes contrasted against the glinting in his hazel irises, and even in his half-asleep state; Ethan wished he could take a picture of Grayson exactly how he was right now. Gray was leaning on his hand, making his biceps bulge - and his hair was ruffled, falling over his eyes.

Of course, to do that, would have to mean that _his brother was beautiful._ And, Grayson was beautiful. Almost in a rugged, careless manner. Ethan would _never_ admit that, though. Even if he found himself staring at Grayson about 99.88% of the time that they were together.

" _Ethan._ " Grayson whined, his eyes watering. "I can't _fucking_ stop thinking. I _hate_ it." He ran a hand through his hair, once, then twice.

"Watch a few videos, or something. I don't know." Ethan found himself whispering, adjusting his posture so that they were staring directly at each other.

"I'm so tired." Grayson ignored his suggestion, and dropped his head back onto his pillow, staring into the dark and feeling his chest close up. Ethan hated how useless he felt, and all he wanted was to go back to sleep himself, but there was no way he could sleep peacefully knowing what Grayson was going through. And, it made him angry. Why did he have to care so fucking much?

"You're such a fucking dumbass, Gray. Close your eyes and count sheep or something. It's not _that_ hard." Ethan gritted out, turning away and staring at the wall. He pulled the sheets closer to himself, rolling his eyes internally.

"Fuck you."

Silence blanketed between the two of them, and both of them knew that they were thinking about each other. Finally, Ethan spoke, rubbing his eyes as he did so. "Shit, what do you want me to do?" He tried to laugh off.

"I took four sleeping pills today, E."

Gradually, they shuffled back to their original positions again, until they found themselves with their legs entwined; their noses practically touching. "We'll go see a doctor." Ethan was the responsible one. He knew what to do, right?

"I don't want a doctor. Distract me." Gray was barely audible, curling up closer towards Ethan's chest. They shivered against each other, wrists on ribs, arms entangled, pulses fluttering, bodies so close - that they can feel each other’s warmth seeping through their clothes and the non-existent air between them.

 _How could Ethan distract him when he was distracted himself?_ Their thighs were warm and solid against each other; and Ethan found himself pulling away ever so slightly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "How?" Ethan breathed, knowing that Grayson was barely coherent, and would never have been so vulnerable had he not taken so many pills.

But, Ethan found himself wanting to take advantage of the situation. Something deep inside him was evoked, and it sure as shit wasn't going to fade now.

"I'll tell you a joke if you want." Ethan murmured against Grayson's hair, shutting his eyes as he did so.

"Really." Grayson tilted his head upwards; and discovered that their lips are practically touching; and that Ethan was looking down at him as if he were the eighth wonder of the world. Grayson _likes_ the attention. He doesn't receive much of it from his twin; they're normally fighting too much to be affectionate towards each other.

Almost teasingly, Grayson shuffled even closer ( _as if that were possible)_ and heard the audible hitch in Ethan's breathing, making him stutter. "A guy w-walks into a bar-"

"I've heard that one." Grayson snorts, meeting Ethan's eyes. They can barely see each other's faces, but know exactly what is where. He knows by memory that there's the faintest of scars above Ethan's left eyebrow, and how Ethan knows that there's about a constellation of birthmarks dotting Grayson's jaw. Almost hesitantly, Ethan exhaled - feeling his eyelashes touch his lower lids; _so tired,_ yet completely aware.

"You tell me one then." The words are so faint that even Grayson, who's only about a millimetre away from Ethan, has to guess what was said.

"Okay, I'm gonna tell you one." Grayson hummed. Ethan's eyes remained shut.

They're not just themselves anymore. Something in the air has changed. They can feel it. The sun hasn't even risen, yet the both of them lie there; tangled amongst each other; content.

Ethan has _missed_ Grayson.  
Grayson fiddled with a lock of hair that keeps falling into Ethan's eyes, before smirking to himself. "The two of us, like this."

"You call that a joke?" Ethan's gaze focused on him; the stubble on Grayson's jaw; the uneven eyebrows.

"Nah." Grayson looked up at him, a small smile playing on his lips. And, Ethan knows that Grayson's smiling, because their lips are practically touching, and he can feel every word vibrate against him - and how neither of them are neccasairly functional because _it has been_ weeks since they've slept decently. But, ever so suddenly, all of that doesn't really matter anymore because Grayson's eyes meet his, and there's a wave of familiarity that washes over them - tugging them back to reality.

Yet, they won't listen. They don't pay attention to the thoughts of this being 'weird' or not normal. Ethan Dolan's always had bedroom eyes. Instead, Grayson realises that Ethan's leaning closer towards him, and he closes his own eyes, sighing in contempt -

He finds himself meeting the distance between them both, rather than moving away.

And, then, just like that - their bodies are pressed firm against each other, and Grayson can feel that annoying lock of Ethan's hair, now on his own forehead, but he doesn't mind. He doesn't mind anything right now.

Then, they kissed. First, apprehensively, and then with complete certainty. Nothing has _ever_ felt more right. 

_And nothing ever will, again, either._ Ethan thought to himself, before Grayson pulled him even closer.

* * *


	2. don't say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope ur all safe & okay :) u can always reread the previous chapter for context. have a great day ahead, wherever you are x

* * *

When Ethan woke up the next morning, and one of his hands felt around for the warm body that he was so accustomed to - he realized that there was an absence. His heart sank.

They'd done some weird shit together over all of those years, there was nothing to doubt about that - but unless he was hallucinating, Grayson fucking _kissed_ him last night. And, some fucked-up part in his brain insisted that it felt _good_. He liked the warmth of Grayson's minty breath lingering on his jaw; and he especially loved how Grayson whispered how much Ethan meant to him, in his ear. So quietly, yet he had heard every word, even though Grayson thought he had fallen asleep. Ethan had shivered when he felt the cold silver of Grayson's earring trace his skin, and when Gray had cupped his chin.  
And, when they slept - for the first time, Ethan didn't complain about Grayson's legs wrapping around his own, neither did he protest against the tanned arm around his waist, creating heat in Ethan's lower abdomen.

Needless to say, Ethan woke up with a hard-on, the next morning. So, he was _very_ disappointed when Grayson had pulled a goner in the morning, even though it wasn't the only thing ending with "-oner" during that moment.

"Gray." It was timid, and hesitant. Ethan licked his lips, tousling his hair sub-consciously. He _hated_ bed-hair.

Everything was fine. Grayson would _surely_ show up with a mug of steaming coffee, with his favourite hazelnut-creamer in it, right? Or, maybe Grayson was in the kitchen making blueberry pancakes, like he always did whenever it was a special day. _This was a special day, right?_

All doubts dissipating, Ethan got up from the warm bed that they shared last night - his mind still playing on possibilities. He wondered silently if Grayson slept properly last night, knowing that the insomnia had gotten too much to bear for him. _Maybe that's why he kissed him. Because he couldn't sleep, and had gone insane from the sheer exhaustion._ The thought made Ethan's stomach turn in an unpleasant way.

He had to shield his eyes from the sunlight that announced the morning, as he walked into the kitchen.

_Nope._

The familiar, bulky figure wasn't there cooking pancakes. Neither was his twin standing before the coffee machine. Instead, Grayson was seated on the dining table, wearing a turtleneck and ripped jeans, (almost as if he was covering up his body despite it being hot outside) and scrolling on his phone.

_Well, this was fucking awkward._

"Um." Ethan rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing what to say.

_Hey, you're my twin-fucking-brother, and we just made out last night, but that's cool. Wanna go to the gym?_

He decided against saying that. Which was probably a good choice.

Grayson barely glanced up, and Ethan noticed his cheeks reddening.  
"Good, you're outta my bedroom. I gotta shower." Grayson mumbled, turning his phone off, and not meeting Ethan's eyes.

 _What the fuck_? Firstly, when did Grayson ever shy away from showering in front of Ethan, let alone in the same room as him? Secondly, why the _fuck_ was he acting like an one-night-stand, even though they were twins, who had literally never spent more than a _week_ apart. Ethan's thought-process was starting to sound like a persuasive essay.

You could cut the awkwardness in the air with a knife, and serve it for afternoon tea.

"Gray," Ethan brushed Grayson's shoulder as he walked past him, and he felt Grayson flinch under his touch. "Can we talk?" He croaked. _Look at me. Why won't you look at me._

Grayson met his eyes for a fraction of a second before nodding, stepping back instantly. Ethan picked up a wooden-spoon that had fallen onto the floor before continuing. "About what happened last nig-"

The younger twin's intake of breath was audible. Grayson thinned his lips, clenching his jaw. "Listen, E, just remembered I've got to talk to Ryan urgently. About editing our next video. Okay?" Grayson offered him a smile that seemed apologetic, properly contrite, even though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Before waiting for a response, he walked off - almost as if he was relieved to escape.

Ethan snorted in irony, rolling his eyes. _Fuck him_. "You could've atleast made a half-decent fucking excuse." He hollered, throwing the wooden spoon at the wall behind Gray. Apart from ducking, Grayson barely acknowledged it, almost as if he were expecting the outburst.

Needless to say, it was a shitty morning.

* * *

Ethan felt like a _fucking_ idiot. He'd been following Grayson around the house all morning, _discreetly_ , but it was obvious enough that Grayson finally looked up from the couch he was on, and let out an annoyed sigh. "What the fuck are you doing?" He sniped. Ethan narrowed his eyes, folding his arms in expectation.

Ethan was never one for confrontation. _Never_. But, this was his twin - his best friend, his favourite person; and if you didn't have the guts to confront the person closest to you - then what exactly did you have guts for, right?

"I -" Ethan began, moistening his lower lip in thought. Now that he'd finally attracted Grayson's attention - he didn't quite know what to say. _I'm so fucking pathetic._

Almost instantly, Grayson's eyes travelled to Ethan's lips, almost as if he were in a museum, staring at his favourite art-piece. _Ethan was so beautiful._ He practically had to force his gaze away from Ethan's face, knowing he'd be distracted instantly. People spluttered about how they were identical, but it was the little things. He loved Ethan's shy smile, one that was instantly masked by a blank stare when someone looked over at him. Grayson loved the way Ethan's cheeks would redden whenever somebody complimented him, or said a dirty joke. It was like watching red wine spill on a white carpet, and Ethan blushing would never fail to make Grayson feel _fucking weird_ in the pit of his stomach - causing butterflies, which felt so sissy, but yet he loved the feeling.

It wasn't easy ignoring Ethan all day, but what was he supposed to do? He knew he fucked up last night - went too far, caught up in the moment, almost ruining everything they had between each other.

Grayson Dolan didn't want to admit it, but he was scared shitless that Ethan would confront him about the night before, and tell him how repulsive he was. Which is why he'd been trying to prevent that from happening.

"Please don't say anything." Grayson placed his phone on the sofa, his voice almost a whisper. Holding up a hand, he looked away. "Just save it. I would've left the house if my car didn't have a flat-fucking-tire. So, do me a favour and just leave me alone."

Ethan raised his eyebrows, ache radiating in his body. It was like whiplash. He swallowed the lump in his throat, before running a hand through his hair. "What did I-"

"I meant it. E, please." His voice cracked, and he hoped Ethan didn't notice. Standing up to his towering height, Grayson rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, allowing himself to meet Ethan's stare. _That wasn't a good idea_. Ethan was practically studying him, watching his every move as if he were an actor in a live musical theatre.

And, it was quite ironic because Grayson knew he was too panicky to be an actor, or any of that shit, in a live theatre, let alone a musical one.

So, for the second time that day, Grayson left the room- leaving Ethan to drown in his thoughts, and to wonder what he did wrong.

* * *

Grayson _knew_ he had to talk to Ethan, despite the constant urge to stay away from him completely. _I'll just fuck things up even more._

"Kyle wants to talk to us about-" Grayson opened Ethan's door, before pausing mid-sentence. The sight of his twin, undressing, wasn't an unusual sight - especially considering that it was _Ethan's room_. They'd literally slept in only their boxers, on the same bed - when they were on the 4OU tour.  
So, why did the sight of Ethan's bare body make Grayson's breath hitch? He felt out of breath, and as if he were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Ethan hadn't noticed him, and Grayson decided to turn back - about to close the door, _he'd come back later_ , before realizing the scar on Ethan's back.

Instantly, he made his way over, without thinking, and his fingers traced the wound, in concern. Ethan flinched at the cold touch in surprise, before turning around and locking his eyes with Grayson.

"What happened?" Grayson asked, not even thinking about his _shitty_ feelings that really shouldn't exist.  
"It's no biggie. It's from when we were building that table last week, and the wood scraped my back." Came the mumbled reply.

"It's obviously a big deal, it's fucking _red_ , E. Why didn't you say anything when it happened? Are you stupid?"

Ethan almost breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, so maybe Grayson wasn't acknowledging what had happened, but at-least it was something. Which was a whole heap better than when he was being given the cold shoulder.

"Lemme go get the antisceptic." Grayson grumbled, still bothered, because it was _Grayson_ , and there was never a time where he wouldn't be worried about Ethan. Sometimes, it felt as if it were them against the world - and if something ever happened to Ethan, Grayson sure as shit knew he didn't want to be stuck alone against the world.

"Stop." Ethan reached out for Grayson's wrist before he walked away, tugging him back. "I'm fine. It's chill."

"You're not fine, _Ethan_. Maybe I'm not as smart as everyone else, but that's a deep wound. Where the fuck are we gonna go if it gets worse? The hospital?" It was almost a panicky exclamation at this point.

Shaking his head, Ethan picked up the shirt from his bed, pulling it over his shoulders. "If you really wanna talk about something, maybe we should talk about whatever the fuck happened last night."

Was he just shot in the chest, or was he just confronted about something he didn't want to talk about? Grayson _really_ wouldn't be able to differentiate between the two.

With immediate regret, Ethan watched as Grayson's expression turned dark, and unreadable. He usually didn't like thinking into the cause of it, further, since whenever Grayson made that expression - it usually meant something bitter. Ethan sub-consciously stepped back, _knowing_ that he shouldn't have said that. It was like stepping off a cliff - the cliff was their closely-knitted relationship over the years, and over the cliff was unprecedented territory.

In the crashing shores of Grayson's thoughts, he thought playing it oblivious would be a safer option, surely. He opened his mouth, and words failed him.

 _This was it_. Ethan realized. He felt _fucking weird_ about what they did last night, and they'd been tiptoeing on eggshells all morning, trying to act normal. At loss on how to act, he settled for crossing his arms - waiting for Grayson to speak with that stupid, stupid mouth of his. The one that had been locked with his own, only twelve hours before. His eyes travelled, focusing on Grayson's pink lips.

_Fuck._

He should've told him about how disgusting, and repulsive them kissing was. Ethan considered the idea of telling Grayson how it shouldn't ever happen again, and that they'd get him some proper insomnia medication - not pills that made him loopy and horny, and made Gray kiss his own twin. Then, Ethan would give him a punch on the shoulder - which really meant that everything would be okay between them again.

But, he didn't. He didn't do any of those things. Some _sick_ urge inside him made him stay, and listen to what Gray had to say.

"Fucking speak." Ethan spoke again, clearing his throat and looking away. He _ought_ to tell Grayson to atleast use chap-stick if he planned on surprising him with a full-on make-out session, again. But then again - maybe he liked the friction of Grayson's slightly chapped lips against his own - and maybe he liked how Grayson knew all of the spots that made Ethan all _tingly_ ; except, instead of using it to his advantage during a fight, Grayson had used them to _pleasure_ him last night - and Ethan sure as shit didn't complain about that.

Now that Ethan was fully dressed, Grayson found it easier to meet his eyes. Even if it was the infamous red sweat-shorts that he wore 3/7 days a week, and a threadbare shirt that was probably Grayson's anyway.

Maybe denial would be the best option.  
"Nothing." Grayson smiled at him sweetly, finally looking up, before turning.

He felt a tug on his arm, and groaned internally - knowing his douchebag of a brother would never let him off the hook that easily. _Why did Ethan have to be such an annoying piece of shit? Couldn't they just pretend it never happened?_

"You _kissed_ me, last night, Gray. I swear to God, I'll literally punch that shit-eating smile off your face if you don't tell me what happened right now. Was it the medication? The pills you've been taking have a warning label on drowsiness, but last time I checked, they didn't say _kiss Ethan_." Ethan paused, out of breath, his mind going 300km/h. "Or maybe it was a sick prank, right? Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Gray, cos' I can't stop thinking about it."

A beat of silence passed between them, before Grayson finally sighed, meeting Ethan's gaze. "If that was a prank, then it obviously back-fired, because I can't stop thinking about it either."

Ethan let go of Grayson's arm instantly, as if it were dead weight.

Seeing the expression on Ethan's face, Grayson instantly put his guard back up, knowing he'd _fucked up_ for good this time. It wasn't like the time when he'd accidentally dislocated Ethan's shoulder, or when he almost broke Ethan's leg when they were fake-wrestling - this was a thousand times worse.

"Fuck." Grayson covered his face with his hands; his custom-engraved ring glinting in the sunlight. "This is why I didn't want to talk to you. Just forget it." He murmured, shutting his eyes and wishing he'd never entered Ethan's room in the first place.

Instead of being disgusted, like Grayson expected him to be - instead, Ethan took a step forward, tugging Gray's warm hands off his face.

"You took the sleeping pill again, today, right?" Ethan finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Hesitantly, Grayson nodded.

"So, we can blame the sleeping pill for this, yeah?" Ethan finished, cupping Grayson's chin and tilting his face upward. Grayson stared at him blankly, not knowing what he was talking about.

Before either of them realized what had happened, Ethan landed an awkward kiss on Gray's pursued mouth, and they both pulled back, before staring at each other.

"Shit, I-" Ethan began, not knowing how to feel. He _definitely_ stepped out of line.  
  
"Shut your annoying-ass mouth for once, and don't say anything." Grayson finally blurted, pulling Ethan back towards him. This time, when they kissed, Ethan was smiling. It was contagious, and before he knew it, they were both grinning at each other. There simply wasn't enough time for words.

Grayson's plump lips met Ethan's again, eagerly, and Ethan's eyes softened when he opened them for a split-second - before Grayson aggressively pulled Ethan's mouth towards his again, his left hand in Ethan's messy brown locks.

Neither of them knew where their shaky relationship stood, but during this moment, Ethan decided that maybe it didn't have to _stand_ at all. Maybe it could sit-back, and let the moment lead them wherever it led them.

Ethan suddenly pulled away again, distracted. "Am I a narcissist if I want to kiss you? Because we do look the sam-"

"Ethan?"  
"Yes?"  
"Shut up." Grayson panted, pulling Ethan's body closer to his, as if such a thing were possible.  
"But, since we basically are mak-"  
"Shut the fuck up." Grayson breathed onto Ethan's neck, hardening against his thigh. "Ethan, please." He repeated again softly, and desperately. His voice was what made Ethan unbound; his weakness. The way his tone would become sultry, and desperate - desperate for him.

What could Ethan do, except obey? And, that's exactly what he did, for the rest of the day.  
  


* * *


End file.
